We Indian women are brought up on the staple diet of twice daily “what will your mother-in-law say if you do this thing like that? She will think your mother has not taught you anything”. Some days the dose may increase to four times too, especially if you used to laugh loudly. “What would your MIL say if you laugh like this keeping your mouth open one centimeter more than the limit permissible by the Mothers and Mother-in-laws Inc?”
We hear so much about this MIL creature while growing up that she becomes some kind of scary monster in our mind. This is actually unfairly stereotyping and MIL-ist.
There are few Monster-in-laws no doubt but most MILs are normal people like us mostly because some of us will become MIL one day in future.
Like our mothers suggest in real life MILs generally don’t think criticising DIL is their full time job because they don’t live in 1970s, they are educated and many are professional women. Their criticisms are always well planned out and sometimes their criticisms are “suggestions” like the samples below.
- The veiled jibe about your look
“Mr. Sharma wanted to make Tullu his SIL. Anyone can see Mr. Sharma’s daughter is very pretty. But love is blind.”
- The All Powerful Kundli (horoscope)
“Tullu’s kundli matched with Mr Verma’s daughter’s kundli on all 32 houses. They would have been happy like Lord Shiva and Parvati. With you only 4 houses match. We are of course all modern people we don’t mind the missing 28 houses. Still 28 is a big number.”
- The mothering of her son
“Tullu must be very tired after office and whole day he does not eat proper food. You should cook his favourite dishes in dinner everyday.”
Then you point her out you work whole day, a job and the household chores. The ever ready MIL will go “See that’s why cooking proper dinner every night is all the more important. Ordering frequently food for dinner will make both of you ill”
- The bedroom business
If after your first anniversary you are still not “under the weather”. Then your MIL becomes quite tensed. She starts dropping hints, most of which are not even subtle. “You need an extra room now for nursery”
Then she may ask coyly about your sex life to make sure you are coupling enough to give her a grand child. “You both become tired at night. You should take leave for a week and only take “rest” in your room.” Or more directly “Is Tullu feeling weak after working so much? You should dress better at night. Those faded pajamas not helping anyone.”
- Aggressive campaign to get a Grand Child
To her direct “suggestion” to plan a child when you reply how you don’t have any time to take care of a child because of your busy career she will give you assurances. “You don’t have to worry about a thing. You only worry about getting pregnant. The moment the child comes I will take care of everything. You won’t even feel you have a child.”
- The Grand Child
Due to her nagging or for some other reason you finally decide to go for motherhood. And when the child finally comes and you ask for help from the doting Grand mother she may say
“I don’t know what is the problem with present generation? In our time we used to take care of three kids and our whole extended family. We did not even have so many fancy gadgets.”
- The Parenting style
Then you take up the job of motherhood in your own style. But your style can never be good enough. “He is only a child why are you scolding him? What if he can’t still tie his shoelaces? He is only 15. You get angry easily.”
- The Competition with other MILs
“Mrs Aggarwal is coming over tea. Please keep your head covered. She goes on and on about her DIL keeping her head covered always. Although I strongly feel the poor girl covers head to hide that giant ugly mole on her forehead. I should tell her my DIL does not need to cover her beautiful face.”
- The Family Biriyani Recipe
If daughters are for pampering then DILs are for taking under wings and passing to her all family traditions including that special Biriyani recipe which has been a family secret for more than hundred years. Like MIL says “Beta now you are custodian of our family and our locker keys.”
(Originally Published at https://www.bonobology.com/things-mothers-law-say/)
Musings 